There you are, just minding your own business and you get a friend request.  Simple & harmless…someone just wants to be your friend.

Or so you think.

Being the wonderful, open, nice person that you are, you welcome this new friend into your inner circle of personal and business contacts on Facebook.

Then it happens.

They post an advertisement on your wall without ever even attempting to initiate contact with you or build any type of relationship.

It’s like you are sitting alone at a bar having a leisurely drink and they walk up to you and say, “Hi, my name is John.  Want to screw?”

Actually, it’s more like you are having an invitation only party at your home and a stranger comes to your door…they seem friendly so you invite them in.  They walk straight to the middle of the room and stop and say, “hey everyone, I have no interest in getting to know any of you, but I really want to get laid…anyone interested?”

It’s disgusting.

This will occasionally work, mind you, as some people respond to assholes being direct (that’s an entirely different blog post), but it will likely land you with more slaps and drinks in your face than bed partners.

Don’t get me wrong…that approach will likely get you laid.  But wealth in business, especially network marketing, is about lifetime loyal relationships, not one night stands.

Seriously, is someone out there teaching this or are people just really that stupid?  I am not sure which is the more comforting thought.

Okay, before we commit you to SMA (Social Media Annonymous) to get serious help for your problem, try a few of these ideas to support you in moving from being the rapist guy to relationship guy (or gal).

• Take sincere interest in people and build the relationship FIRST.  When you befriend someone, send people a personal note, read their profile, look at their personal websites.  Learn about them before your ‘pitch.’

• Provide value upfront – what can you do for them before asking for anything for yourself.

• Take your time.  Invest yourself.  I have developed some of my best friends in the world through network marketing…start with this intention and you’ll win more than you’ll lose.

• Follow up gracefully and professionally.   Be the kind of person you would want to work with.

So, for you wall posting date rapers out there…STOP.  You are annoying us all and you are getting NO action.

Button up the shirt, get rid of the gold medallion, throw away the ruffies & trade in the creepy van with no side windows.

Step up to the plate as an authentic human being.

Once you do, we’ll gladly invite you into our homes…and we might even introduce you to our horny friends!

He called a few weeks ago to reconnect and to offer an apology for the way he handled himself.

I am not one to hold a grudge.  Life is short and I know that any energy I hold onto from past relationships is my burden to carry, not anyone else’s.

With that said, I don’t think Dave and I are going bowling anytime soon, but it was nice to hear from him and it was nice to receive an apology.

The whole episode got me thinking about our 2 1/2 year partnership.  It was an odd one to say the least.  Don’t ask me to explain it all as there are many factors that lead up to the fact that over two years, I personally generated about 90% of the income our business produced.

Meanwhile, we paid all of our living expenses for both of us out of the business.  Apartment, two really nice sports cars, entertainment, spending money, trips, etc.  I made most of the money, we both spent it.

This lopsided situation started after about 6 months, maybe less, and continued the whole time we were partners. 

I let this go on for nearly two years.

How is that possible? 

At the time I would have given you all kinds of reasons.  We were good friends, things will change, it’s only money, he’s trying really hard…

Those things are all true, but I don’t think they were the reasons that kept me from taking action.

I would say, looking back, that I was just scared.

Scared of losing a friendship.  Scared of being the source of disappointment.  Scared of being completely on my own (even though I really had been for years).  Scared of being courageous…if that even makes sense.

I think, in general, we do this a lot in our lives.  We are in a situation that is clearly not serving our highest ideal and we stay in it. 

We cling to mediocrity rather than forge ahead to greatness.  We trade great for good and we do it all the damn time.

What is in our wiring that causes us to do this?

Why do we claim less than what we are capable of?

Why do we let fear rob us of being fulfilled? Or being authentic?  Or truly, wonderfully amazing?

Perhaps there were no truer words spoken than…

“It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”

I do believe this to be true on many levels.  If we stop just even for a second to observe life, we see people run and hide from their greatness all the time.

Greatness takes more work.

Greatness takes a much greater level of discipline.

Greatness is demanding.

Mediocrity will take whatever it can get whenever you feel like giving it.

I recently read a great book called Integrity by Dr. Henry Cloud.  The book is fantastic and there are many powerful passages.  There are a few paragraphs in the book that stopped me in my tracks.  I reread them many times.

 ”To sit with failure and loss, and understand it, process it, and grieve it before going on, takes depth of character.  It takes a well of emotional resources that can fuel the soul and spirit while one is doing that kind of work.  The empty person, needing the next manic “fix” of excitement and optimism, cannot wait.  She has to jump in.  The mature one carries the optimism inside and knows there will be another day, but only after she has fully lived this one.  That way, this day won’t have to be lived again.”

You may ask what the relevance is here to what we were talking about.  Here’s the tie in that is so powerful for me.

For me, the above passage is about:

1. Knowing yourself and your needs
2. Being authentic with yourself and your emotions – the real core ones, not the ones that are a reaction to what is happening in the moment.
3. Delaying gratification
4. Having discipline

You still may not see the tie in.  The reason it is difficult to see is because it is so deviously subtle.

You could argue that I did many of the above four things in staying in my partnership.  You could at least argue that I delayed personal gratification (of being on my own) and that I had discipline (kept my nose down and worked).

But those arguements would be total crap.

I did what was easier, which means I didn’t delay gratification at all.   I choose not to confront my partner.  Instead, I went on with business as usual.  I did what felt better in the moment, even if I knew with every fiber of my being that the longer it went on, the worse I felt about it…and the worse I felt about myself for allowing it to happen.

And don’t even get me started on discipline.  I may have seemed very disciplined to throw myself into my work and produce results…but that would also be crap.

I was hiding. 

I was avoiding.

That’s not discipline.  That’s being a pussy.

I’d like to say that I utilized Dr. Cloud’s advice after I ended the partnership so that I would not have to live those days again.

But I didn’t.  I have lived them a few more times.

I definitely learned a great deal, but I am still working on it. 

Being authentic…sounds simple, but damn does it have a lot of layers.

So, Dave, I want to thank you for reaching out after all these years.  Thank you for the lessons over time.  Your call has reconnecting me to these lessons at a time when they are incredibly relevant for me.

This time, perhaps if I can honor myself and my highest ideal…if I can just ground myself in my authentic self…I will not live those days again.