Last week my son Brennan came down with a case of lice.  We have no idea where he got it from.

It could have been school.  I could have been trying on Halloween masks.  Who knows?

If you have never had to deal with this crap, then you have no idea.  It’s rough.  The medical treatments are all incredibly toxic so we went the natural route.  It’s slower, but still effective.

The actual lice is killed almost immediately, but these little things called “nits” are left behind.  Actually, they are eggs…which it not only a disgusting thought…but a massive pain in the ass.

The school won’t let a child come back until every single nit is gone.

We picked…then picked some more.

There were thousands.

So I shaved Brennan’s hair down to where it was tight to his head.  It looked like I got all the nits…or at least I thought I did.

Come Monday…the school sent him home again.

The only thing left to do was completely shave his head.  We talked about it and Brennan was totally cool with going “Bruce Willis.”

Kids rock that way.

So here I am shaving away and I have about a third of his head completely bald and thinning out the rest.

Then it happened.

In an instant I got absolutely overwhelmed with emotion.  It hit me out of nowhere.

And it hit me hard.

As I shaved my amazing 5½ yr old’s head and looked into his eyes with his new very fashionable look…I got images of kids with cancer and leukemia after chemo treatments.  I got images of kids who have to shave their heads for brain surgery.

In that moment, everything collapsed together – Brennan, chemo, leukemia, trauma, pain, helplessness, family challenges, appreciating things, losing things,  – it just all came over me and tears started rolling down my face.

I started thinking about how fricken fortunate I am.  I started thinking about all the people in my life that I love and am grateful for.

I started thinking about all the opportunities I am afforded and in actuality…how easy my life is.

And I started thinking about how I often take these things for granted.

So far today my biggest challenge was to get Brennan to eat breakfast…pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of life.

And yet we often make these small challenges seem HUGE.

I usually shift pretty quickly from things.  I take my lessons and go.  This one floored me.  I was numb for hours.  I had a mastermind call with my team leaders later in the morning and was moved to tears again in appreciation of their contribution to my life.

At a very real level, I am still in it.

Brennan often teaches me lessons.  He does it virtually every day.  But this experience was the most profound of all.

Sometimes we need reminders.  We need to relearn.  We need to unlearn.  We need to reprogram and reconnect.

Here is what my little lice infested angel reconnected me to…

Stuff In Life Just Happens…We Choose The Meaning

How often do we get sucked into believing something or thinking something just because that is what is familiar to us in our past…or most of the rest of the world believes a certain way?

Nothing in life inherently has any meaning.  Zero.  Ziltch.

We CHOOSE whatever meaning we want and we attach it to the events in our lives.  The events themselves give us nothing other than an experience, which alone is meaningless.  Additional years aren’t always liberating…sometimes they can aid us in creating mental prisons.

Experience is indeed the best teacher, but we have to bring awareness to what it is actually teaching us.  If I had to shave my head as a teenager I would have been devastated.  Even today, it would be a serious gut check moment.

Brennan has no negative anchor.  No need to impress.  No comparative judgment.

He has no past experience to limit how he embraces this moment and because of that…he grabbed every ounce of positive emotion from it.

Imagine if you had to shave your head today.  Would you embrace it or would it stop you in your tracks?

What emotions and fears would it bring up for you?  What would you make it mean?

We Need To Unlearn To Move Forward

It’s often said that things like fear of __________, (success, failure, embarrassment, not fitting in, etc) are “part of the human condition.”  I believe this to be true, but I would change it slightly.

I believe these things are “Part of the human conditioning.”

For the most part, we learn about fear…we aren’t born with it.  We learn most of it before we are seven, then the rest of our lives reinforce it.

Mentally, we become our own best supporter of limited thinking.  I see it over and over again.

I have been a student of personal development for over 20 years.  I have been facilitating programs that help people move through this stuff for 15 years.

And I still get stuck…all the damn time.

We HAVE to set up supportive structures in order to have any shot at UNlearning, reprogramming and creating massive success for ourselves.

You truly make up and choose your beliefs.  Your current ones have been hardened by life over the years, but they are NOT permanently fixed.

Begin today to look at the beliefs you have and look at what you want.  Are they in alignment?

If they are…awesome.

If they are not…awesome.  Now let’s change them.

Then give yourself plenty of opportunities to create small victories that support your new beliefs.

Brennan didn’t have anything to unlearn.  I do.  You may as well.

Start unlearning your ass off and set yourself free.

It’s NOT About Living Like You Are Dying

I’ve never liked this philosophy.

“Live like you are dying.”

“Live each moment as if it’s your last.”

It doesn’t work for me.  Honestly, if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?

For me, what works is to be completely present at all times.  Do all I can in all I do.  Be joyful.  Let people know how I feel and how much they mean to me.

My little 40” Jedi is a masterful teacher.  These lessons for me were so unexpected.

It literally came out of nowhere…but it was exactly what I needed.

I am so incredibly grateful for lice.  If you have any question as to why…look at the pure joy on Brennan’s face in the photo below.  He could give a rat’s ass about his hair…it doesn’t define him.

What life-changing lessons are you walking past everyday because they are disguised as tiny obstacles, nuisances, “problems” or challenges?

Please forward and share this with everyone you know who has children and anyone who is committed to living an authentic and joyful life.

Your life is your own creation.  It’s your game.  What rules are you playing by?  Are your belief systems about money, success, family and business serving you or getting in your way?

Enjoy this short video inspired by the Jedi himself.  Please share it with your networks and share your comments below.  People all over the world need to understand how to get out of their own way to create success.

Children are brilliantly in the present.  In many ways, they are fearless.  Fortunately, they have yet to be “trained” into being rational or thinking that they can’t do something.  What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Can you connect with that fun, courageous, unlimited, powerful and FREE child within you and let go of self-limiting beliefs?

What is really fun about this video is that I didn’t say a word to my son before we started filming other than, “Brennan, we are going to make a video.”  His presence and comments are priceless!  Help make Brennan famous – share this post with your networks, retweet and please leave your comments below.

Do you trust your intuition or are you strictly dominated by left brain critical thought?  What can we learn from the 40 Inch Jedi (my son) about the power of honoring our feeling and trusting in our internal guidance system?

Enjoy this short video inspired by the greatest teacher I know.  Please make comments and share your thoughts.  Retweet and share with your networks.  Let’s support as many people as possible to begin to think about how powerful it is to tap into our inner guidance and intuition.

You are just bending the truth of who you are a little…it doesn’t matter, no one will know.

It really doesn’t fit with your values…but you should let it go, it doesn’t matter. No one will know.

But you know. You know clearly. Each and every time.

Being authentic is relatively simple in concept, but very rarely practiced consistently in today’s world. In many ways, I consider myself to be authentic, but I have come to understand that being authentic most of the time just doesn’t work. When is it okay to be inauthentic?

In other words, when is it okay to NOT be true to who you are?

I know, for me, fear, judgment, trust & acceptance all play a role and influenced many of my decisions over the years. Where do you let fear & judgment influence who you are being in your personal relationships? What about in your business relationships?

What prices are you paying for those choices? In other words, what is being inauthentic costing you in life? What are you missing out on?

In speaking with many others, being completely authentic is a bit like the Holy Grail; it’s often sought but very rarely found. Think about the number of COMPLETELY AUTHENTIC relationships you have in your life where you are free to talk about anything without concern of judgment or criticism.

I know I can count mine on one hand.

What exactly are we all so afraid of? In the transformational work I have done over the last 15 years with both youth and adults, it’s clear that we are all living out the same dramas – pretending to be things we are not, stuffing real emotions, biting our tongue, wearing masks, trying to impress, fighting for belonging and acceptance…

I don’t get it. I mean, I get why we do it all. I just don’t get why we do it all.

I have had the privilege of practicing being authentic in a few relationships over the last few months and this is what I have noticed. At first it scared the crap out of me. It was nausiatingly difficult. (I made that word up if you were wondering).

But then I noticed some other things too that for me, were really profound.

Authenticity alone doesn’t provide the juicy amazing feeling that I expected. It’s good; it’s self-gratifying, but still not complete.

Authenticity combined with unconditionality in a relationship is magical.

Apply this into your personal relationships and you’ll win every time.

Apply this into your business relationships and you’ll make a fortune…and love every step of the way.

To me, this is the “Galt’s Gulch” of personal relationships and everyone should have some. I think we cut ourselves off so much from the full experience of what it means to be human and this kind of relationship is an experience that everyone gets to have.

If you don’t have any…start now. Waiting isn’t worth it.

I am grateful for all of the times in my life that I chose to be inauthentic and for all of the people I have encountered who were inauthentic in their dealings with me.

It is because of those experiences that I am abundantly clear that I am no longer willing to pay the price of inauthenticity. It’s a nasty debt that accumulates over time.

I choose to be debt free.

There you are, just minding your own business and you get a friend request.  Simple & harmless…someone just wants to be your friend.

Or so you think.

Being the wonderful, open, nice person that you are, you welcome this new friend into your inner circle of personal and business contacts on Facebook.

Then it happens.

They post an advertisement on your wall without ever even attempting to initiate contact with you or build any type of relationship.

It’s like you are sitting alone at a bar having a leisurely drink and they walk up to you and say, “Hi, my name is John.  Want to screw?”

Actually, it’s more like you are having an invitation only party at your home and a stranger comes to your door…they seem friendly so you invite them in.  They walk straight to the middle of the room and stop and say, “hey everyone, I have no interest in getting to know any of you, but I really want to get laid…anyone interested?”

It’s disgusting.

This will occasionally work, mind you, as some people respond to assholes being direct (that’s an entirely different blog post), but it will likely land you with more slaps and drinks in your face than bed partners.

Don’t get me wrong…that approach will likely get you laid.  But wealth in business, especially network marketing, is about lifetime loyal relationships, not one night stands.

Seriously, is someone out there teaching this or are people just really that stupid?  I am not sure which is the more comforting thought.

Okay, before we commit you to SMA (Social Media Annonymous) to get serious help for your problem, try a few of these ideas to support you in moving from being the rapist guy to relationship guy (or gal).

• Take sincere interest in people and build the relationship FIRST.  When you befriend someone, send people a personal note, read their profile, look at their personal websites.  Learn about them before your ‘pitch.’

• Provide value upfront – what can you do for them before asking for anything for yourself.

• Take your time.  Invest yourself.  I have developed some of my best friends in the world through network marketing…start with this intention and you’ll win more than you’ll lose.

• Follow up gracefully and professionally.   Be the kind of person you would want to work with.

So, for you wall posting date rapers out there…STOP.  You are annoying us all and you are getting NO action.

Button up the shirt, get rid of the gold medallion, throw away the ruffies & trade in the creepy van with no side windows.

Step up to the plate as an authentic human being.

Once you do, we’ll gladly invite you into our homes…and we might even introduce you to our horny friends!

He called a few weeks ago to reconnect and to offer an apology for the way he handled himself.

I am not one to hold a grudge.  Life is short and I know that any energy I hold onto from past relationships is my burden to carry, not anyone else’s.

With that said, I don’t think Dave and I are going bowling anytime soon, but it was nice to hear from him and it was nice to receive an apology.

The whole episode got me thinking about our 2 1/2 year partnership.  It was an odd one to say the least.  Don’t ask me to explain it all as there are many factors that lead up to the fact that over two years, I personally generated about 90% of the income our business produced.

Meanwhile, we paid all of our living expenses for both of us out of the business.  Apartment, two really nice sports cars, entertainment, spending money, trips, etc.  I made most of the money, we both spent it.

This lopsided situation started after about 6 months, maybe less, and continued the whole time we were partners. 

I let this go on for nearly two years.

How is that possible? 

At the time I would have given you all kinds of reasons.  We were good friends, things will change, it’s only money, he’s trying really hard…

Those things are all true, but I don’t think they were the reasons that kept me from taking action.

I would say, looking back, that I was just scared.

Scared of losing a friendship.  Scared of being the source of disappointment.  Scared of being completely on my own (even though I really had been for years).  Scared of being courageous…if that even makes sense.

I think, in general, we do this a lot in our lives.  We are in a situation that is clearly not serving our highest ideal and we stay in it. 

We cling to mediocrity rather than forge ahead to greatness.  We trade great for good and we do it all the damn time.

What is in our wiring that causes us to do this?

Why do we claim less than what we are capable of?

Why do we let fear rob us of being fulfilled? Or being authentic?  Or truly, wonderfully amazing?

Perhaps there were no truer words spoken than…

“It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”

I do believe this to be true on many levels.  If we stop just even for a second to observe life, we see people run and hide from their greatness all the time.

Greatness takes more work.

Greatness takes a much greater level of discipline.

Greatness is demanding.

Mediocrity will take whatever it can get whenever you feel like giving it.

I recently read a great book called Integrity by Dr. Henry Cloud.  The book is fantastic and there are many powerful passages.  There are a few paragraphs in the book that stopped me in my tracks.  I reread them many times.

 ”To sit with failure and loss, and understand it, process it, and grieve it before going on, takes depth of character.  It takes a well of emotional resources that can fuel the soul and spirit while one is doing that kind of work.  The empty person, needing the next manic “fix” of excitement and optimism, cannot wait.  She has to jump in.  The mature one carries the optimism inside and knows there will be another day, but only after she has fully lived this one.  That way, this day won’t have to be lived again.”

You may ask what the relevance is here to what we were talking about.  Here’s the tie in that is so powerful for me.

For me, the above passage is about:

1. Knowing yourself and your needs
2. Being authentic with yourself and your emotions – the real core ones, not the ones that are a reaction to what is happening in the moment.
3. Delaying gratification
4. Having discipline

You still may not see the tie in.  The reason it is difficult to see is because it is so deviously subtle.

You could argue that I did many of the above four things in staying in my partnership.  You could at least argue that I delayed personal gratification (of being on my own) and that I had discipline (kept my nose down and worked).

But those arguements would be total crap.

I did what was easier, which means I didn’t delay gratification at all.   I choose not to confront my partner.  Instead, I went on with business as usual.  I did what felt better in the moment, even if I knew with every fiber of my being that the longer it went on, the worse I felt about it…and the worse I felt about myself for allowing it to happen.

And don’t even get me started on discipline.  I may have seemed very disciplined to throw myself into my work and produce results…but that would also be crap.

I was hiding. 

I was avoiding.

That’s not discipline.  That’s being a pussy.

I’d like to say that I utilized Dr. Cloud’s advice after I ended the partnership so that I would not have to live those days again.

But I didn’t.  I have lived them a few more times.

I definitely learned a great deal, but I am still working on it. 

Being authentic…sounds simple, but damn does it have a lot of layers.

So, Dave, I want to thank you for reaching out after all these years.  Thank you for the lessons over time.  Your call has reconnecting me to these lessons at a time when they are incredibly relevant for me.

This time, perhaps if I can honor myself and my highest ideal…if I can just ground myself in my authentic self…I will not live those days again.